In today’s digital world, teens are more connected than ever—but also more creative at hiding how they connect. If you think you know all the apps your child is using to talk to friends, think again. From school tools like Google Docs to unexpected platforms like Pinterest and Spotify, kids are turning everyday apps into secret chat rooms.
And here’s the thing, most of these kids aren’t doing anything that terrible. But that’s exactly why this conversation is so important. As parents, we assume if our child isn’t doing anything wrong that we are aware of, we don’t need to worry. But what we’re missing isn’t about wrongdoing—it’s about connection. You should have an idea about what your child is up to online and off and work towards a real relationship with them. (partial-spoiler) The new Netflix drama Adolescence drives this home with a story of a 13-year-old boy who commits a horrific act who we later discover has been radicalized by online content, discourse and the toxic side of the "manosphere." His parents weren’t abusive or neglectful. They were good, hardworking parents, but, they were passive. Like many, they assumed that tech use was harmless, that their kid was playing games or doing homework for hours on end locked inside his bedroom, that he would come to them if anything was "wrong." That their son was just going through “adolescence,” and didn’t want to be as social as he used to be. That he was just being a “boy.” And by the time they realized what was happening, it was too late.
Too often, passive parenting starts with good intentions — giving our kids tablets, phones or gaming systems so they don’t feel left out, so they can connect, so they can have what their friends have. But when we hand over that tech without guidance or boundaries, we’re not just giving them a tool—we're opening a door to an entire world, the good and the bad that they may or may not be mature enough to handle.
The film is a wake-up call: Being a loving parent isn’t enough if you’re not actively engaged in your child’s life. Kids today face mounting pressures, are navigating all kinds of content, and communication methods we never dreamed of growing up. And, in addition to traditional communication methods we've been taught to look out for there is a whole world where kids are communicating secretly in plain sight. So, if they are spending a lot of time on Google classroom - it may not be for a project!!
And here’s the thing, most of these kids aren’t doing anything that terrible. But that’s exactly why this conversation is so important. As parents, we assume if our child isn’t doing anything wrong that we are aware of, we don’t need to worry. But what we’re missing isn’t about wrongdoing—it’s about connection. You should have an idea about what your child is up to online and off and work towards a real relationship with them. (partial-spoiler) The new Netflix drama Adolescence drives this home with a story of a 13-year-old boy who commits a horrific act who we later discover has been radicalized by online content, discourse and the toxic side of the "manosphere." His parents weren’t abusive or neglectful. They were good, hardworking parents, but, they were passive. Like many, they assumed that tech use was harmless, that their kid was playing games or doing homework for hours on end locked inside his bedroom, that he would come to them if anything was "wrong." That their son was just going through “adolescence,” and didn’t want to be as social as he used to be. That he was just being a “boy.” And by the time they realized what was happening, it was too late.
Too often, passive parenting starts with good intentions — giving our kids tablets, phones or gaming systems so they don’t feel left out, so they can connect, so they can have what their friends have. But when we hand over that tech without guidance or boundaries, we’re not just giving them a tool—we're opening a door to an entire world, the good and the bad that they may or may not be mature enough to handle.
The film is a wake-up call: Being a loving parent isn’t enough if you’re not actively engaged in your child’s life. Kids today face mounting pressures, are navigating all kinds of content, and communication methods we never dreamed of growing up. And, in addition to traditional communication methods we've been taught to look out for there is a whole world where kids are communicating secretly in plain sight. So, if they are spending a lot of time on Google classroom - it may not be for a project!!
The film also highlights how kids may have their own language online, often using emojis or slang with coded meanings to communicate—making it even harder for adults to understand what’s really going on.
So what can you do? First, don’t panic. Your child doesn’t need a prison warden—they need a guide. Here are a few things that can help:
- Stay curious. Ask your kids to show you the apps they use and how they work. Let them teach you. Ask why they like certain platforms, and listen without judgment.
- Check in regularly. Not just about grades and chores, but about what’s happening online. Who are they talking to? What are they seeing? If you notice a new app, ask what it does.
- Set boundaries. Create family tech rules together. That might include: no closed doors when on devices, screen time limits, and random phone/device checks done with your child. Devices should never feel like a diary or a secret drawer—they’re shared spaces of trust, not privacy.
- Use parental controls and monitoring apps. Tools like Google Family Link, Bark, Net Nanny, or Apple Screen Time can help flag dangerous content, monitor app use, and block risky behavior. These tools aren’t spying—they’re support systems. Let your child know you’re using them to help keep them safe, not punish.
- Keep the door open. We listen and we don't judge...Let your child know they can come to you about anything, and when they do, stay calm. How you respond to one tough conversation will determine whether they come to you for the next one.
- Talk about current events together. Use real stories in the news—both the good and the bad—to spark conversations. For example, show them a headline about a teen who was scammed or groomed online, and ask what they think. But also share positive examples, like kids using tech for activism or creativity. Helping them see both sides builds media literacy and keeps them informed about real-world consequences.
What to Watch Out For - Hidden Communicate Methods:
1. Google Docs & Slides - Kids share a Doc or Slide deck and type in real time like a group chat. Looks like homework. Works like a chat room.
2. Pinterest - It’s not just for recipes. Kids can direct message and create "secret boards" to share messages, links, or inside jokes—all out of parental view.
3. Roblox, Fortnite, Minecraft Games double as social platforms. Whisper messages in Roblox or voice chat in Fortnite make it easy to have private, untraceable conversations.
4. Kik & Wizz - These apps are built for anonymity. Kik requires only a username, and Wizz functions like a teen Tinder. Neither has solid safety features for kids.
5. Spotify Playlists - Collaborative playlists let kids communicate through song choices, playlist titles, and descriptions. It’s a subtle but creative workaround.
1. Google Docs & Slides - Kids share a Doc or Slide deck and type in real time like a group chat. Looks like homework. Works like a chat room.
2. Pinterest - It’s not just for recipes. Kids can direct message and create "secret boards" to share messages, links, or inside jokes—all out of parental view.
3. Roblox, Fortnite, Minecraft Games double as social platforms. Whisper messages in Roblox or voice chat in Fortnite make it easy to have private, untraceable conversations.
4. Kik & Wizz - These apps are built for anonymity. Kik requires only a username, and Wizz functions like a teen Tinder. Neither has solid safety features for kids.
5. Spotify Playlists - Collaborative playlists let kids communicate through song choices, playlist titles, and descriptions. It’s a subtle but creative workaround.
6. YouTube Comments - Kids leave comments on obscure videos as a hidden message board. Friends know where to look. Parents don’t.
7. VPNs, Incognito Mode & Algospeak - Kids use VPNs to bypass filters, incognito mode to erase history, and coded language (like “unalive” instead of "suicide") to fly under radar.
Listen..."Being a parent is so Easy!!" Said, no parent ever!! But, seriously, this isn’t about spying. It’s about staying connected to our children. Because when kids isolate themselves, go silent or hide online activity, they’re not just being sneaky—they’re telling us they need HELP navigating a world too big for them to handle alone. Let’s meet them there.
7. VPNs, Incognito Mode & Algospeak - Kids use VPNs to bypass filters, incognito mode to erase history, and coded language (like “unalive” instead of "suicide") to fly under radar.
Listen..."Being a parent is so Easy!!" Said, no parent ever!! But, seriously, this isn’t about spying. It’s about staying connected to our children. Because when kids isolate themselves, go silent or hide online activity, they’re not just being sneaky—they’re telling us they need HELP navigating a world too big for them to handle alone. Let’s meet them there.
Remember, our children need to understand there is no such thing as "privacy" online. And, you need to always remember that YOU are their parent and it's your job to keep them safe.
Check out my list of recommended ways to monitor our kids' online activities!!
Ebony Bagley - Internet Wellness Advocate
Check out my list of recommended ways to monitor our kids' online activities!!
Ebony Bagley - Internet Wellness Advocate
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